Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
