Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
