i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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