so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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