i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
