Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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