I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
