and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Randomize
