two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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