"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize