so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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