at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
