I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
