David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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