I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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