i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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