Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Randomize
