saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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