How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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