Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Vodka?
Forever.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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