I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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