Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize
