she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
