Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
