there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
