I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
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