Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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