Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
