it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
