Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
