I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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