imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
