We're like a lot better than the average bears
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
that's an acceptable place to lick
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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