dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
There r osticjed everywhere
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
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