Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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