She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Redeem this text for a blowjob
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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