Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
