dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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