I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
