Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Someone came in the potted fern
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
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