I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
