How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
