I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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