I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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