Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
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