i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
