There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
