i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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