Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
