So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
third nipple confirmed
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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