i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
