I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I think a kid would responsible me up
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
